Kings Of The Night
by tekken4life
Summary: It was just meant to be business, that's it... so why do they feel like this? What happens when two people from two different worlds come together for love? KOGAN : Please R
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: I'm That Guy**

**Disclaimer:** Yes, I own Big Time Rush! They are mine! (INSERT EVIL LAUGH HERE) Yeah, I'm kidding, I don't own them, but still that doesn't stop me from pretending… or dreaming. Is pretending dreaming?

**Author's Note:** What's up people? This maybe the delirium talking, but at the risk of overworking myself on this and my other stories, I'm just going to go ahead and do it anyways. Why you ask? Interesting story: I was reading this Japanese comic (translated to English of course), and I thought to myself… you know, this would make a pretty good Kogan story I want to dedicate this entire story to **dnChristensen**, I hope you're out there reading this! Please enjoy guys, and tell me what you think!

'Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.'

Anonymous

"Come on, it's the one day when women actually WANT to get laid, and you're telling me you're not even considering banging your wife?" Logan Mitchell closed his eyes and slid back into the comfort of his chair with a weary groan. It always came to this with James; he absolutely loved playing the sexual version of Twenty Questions with him until he snapped. "The way things are with Camille right now, I guess I'm pretty much booking myself for self-service for the next couple of weeks" he sighed, blinking his eyes in frustration. He laughed softly to himself. "It's all a matter of time before this thing blows up in my face. The more we try, the more we fight and the more we drift apart." He looked up at his colleague, clicking his tongue impatiently. "Don't you dare do that" he said loudly, feeling a mild irritation at the look of sympathy on his colleague's face. "Stop feeling sorry for me, I'll be fine."

"Can I ask you something kind of personal?"  
"Do you really have to? Everything you ask me is personal, and you won't stop until I tell you."

"That is so not true. I asked you what you had for dessert last night just this morning!"

"Yeah, and when I told you it was ice-cream, you asked me if I licked it off of Camille's perky nipples" said the brunette in a bored tone. He'd been playing this same old game with James ever since he'd started working here – he knew that the taller brunette won by sheer persistence alone. Surrendering was always the better option. "So anyways, what are you doing for Valentine's Day?"

"I'm so glad you asked" beamed James excitedly, tapping his fingers together in a perverted rhythm. "But first, let me ask you my question."

"Shoot."

"Would you ever cheat on your wife?" Logan arched his eyebrow quizzically. There it was in broad daylight – the million dollar question that had plagued him for so long. Had it really come down to the point where he could no longer take his own fidelity for granted? "I don't know" he said quietly, lowering his gaze to the smooth mirrored surface of his desk. "Honestly James, we're in such a bad place right now that an affair wouldn't really make a difference anymore." He smiled sadly to himself. "Eight years ago, I thought to myself that if nothing else went right in my life, that at least I'd have her. Now, I'm not so sure."

"I think I might have something that could help" said the taller man, smoothly pulling out a card from his pocket and laying it on the table. Logan frowned as he pulled the small piece of cardboard towards him. "_For your every desire and fantasy give Kendall a call_" he read slowly, deepening the thoughtful furrow in his forehead. "A hooker? Really?"

"You said you weren't sure. I'm giving you an option."

"Whatever weirdo" muttered Logan, absentmindedly putting the card in his pocket. "You didn't answer my question."

"My cousin's having a party" said James excitedly. "_That_ kind of party."

"So basically you're going to be wandering around his mansion humping any guy or girl that can still speak coherently move after five tequila shots?" asked Logan dryly. James nodded his head vigorously. He leapt off the chair with lustful vigor and headed towards the office door. "Oh, by the way, the boss said congratulations on that award you won. I'll say it too. I'd hug you, but I only hug people I sleep with."

"Oh my God, am I blushing right now? That's such a compliment."

"Damn straight it is!"

The brunette heard the lonely slam of the door in front of him, but his eyes were captivated by the photo that stood so innocently on his desk. Eight years ago wasn't that far back, but it seemed like a lifetime to him. The two people that smiled back at him from the thin silver frame were complete strangers to him now. "Logan Mitchell, the best advertising executive in Los Angeles" he muttered softly. "But he can't even keep his own marriage alive." He let out a tired cloud of breath into the air, wishing for nothing more than to disappear into the world around him. It hadn't always been like this. Once upon a time, he and Camille were happily in love with each other. One night of passion had rung out consequences for the rest of his life – an unwanted pregnancy and a quick marriage to save what dignity they both had. It had changed the rest of their lives irreversibly, and even the heaven-sent blessing of their son couldn't save them from the fact that their relationship had existed for far longer than it was ever meant to. Somewhere along the line, love had changed into hate, and the two of them went out of their way to deliberately hurt each other at whatever cost. Every single minute in his home had become a battle for Logan, and of late, he'd become tired of fighting. Slowly, but surely, the small fights collaborated into thunderous showdowns, with each one of them matching the other in brutal scorn. "I'd have left this place a long time ago if it weren't for you Leo" thought the brunette, closing his eyes. The agony of every single day he spent in a relationship he wasn't sure he wanted was starting to take his toll on his very being. "I want out."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"I'm home" called Logan, slowly closing the door behind him. Almost immediately, his ears picked up the light patter of footsteps coming towards him. A few seconds of waiting rewarded him with the sight of the gleeful seven year old running to him with a grin that threatened to split his face. "Dad, you're finally home!" exclaimed the boy, earning himself a gentle pat on the head. Logan smiled at him, secretly grateful that his son would never know the turmoil that often replaced the contentment that so many other people were used to. It was small moments like these that always made him stay – little pockets of happiness that could cloud over the harsh reality of it all and make him fall into the fantasy of a perfect family. "And how is my little man today?" he asked, sliding his arms around the boy and picking him up. "Dad, Mrs. Albright said that my name means 'lion'" said Leo, practically buzzing in his father's hold. "Did you and Mom name me after a lion?" Logan laughed. "Well, sort of. But did you tell Mrs. Albright that it was your grandfather's name too?"

"Oh… I forgot that part."

"It's OK little dude, tell her next time." Leo giggled as his father gently set him back down, racing to the kitchen as soon as his feet touched the floor. The brunette took a deep breath in as he followed his son, feeling the grin drop from his lips as if he'd been smacked in the face. "Five minutes past five – cue snide remark" he contemplated, shaking his head. Eventually, even the shards of bliss he desperately hung onto for dear life would fade away as quickly as they had come. It came down to this, it always has. It always would.

Bracing himself for what was about to come, Logan took a cautious step into the kitchen, letting his gaze rest despondently on his wife. He watched as she turned around with the same blank expression she always wore. Each time he saw it, he felt dumbfounded as to why the two of them couldn't simply sit down and talk about their problems sensibly. Surely this had to be hard on her too; she couldn't be that sadistic to take pleasure in each and every altercation they had. "Hey" she said quietly, dropping her gaze back down to the vegetable she was chopping. "You're a little early. Dinner should have been ready by now; I'm sorry, but-"

"Its fine" said Logan quietly, never once allowing his gaze to wander off from her. He could practically feel the tension spark between them. If it wasn't for the mini-Logan raiding the fridge for a soda can right now, the brunette had no doubts that they'd be at each other's throats. It was sad that the two of them wanted nothing more than to collapse the air in their lungs into scathing insults just waiting to be hurled across the room until one of them gave in. This was their fate, till death does them apart: to faithfully stand by each other in a life of misery and hate, slowly corroding until there was nothing left.

"Sweetie, why don't you go play on Mommy's laptop up in my room" smiled Camille, turning her attention towards Leo. "I'll come get you when dinner's ready, OK?"

"Are you about to fight?" asked the seven year old fearfully. His head swung fearfully between his mother and father, tears starting to sting his eyes. "Please don't fight, I don't like it."

"I promise you we won't fight" said Logan softly, squatting down to his son's height. Leo let out a sniffle. "Promise?"

"Promise. Now go show that evil wizard who's boss!" Leo gave both of them a suspicious glare but followed their wishes, leaving the kitchen with soda can in hand. Logan sighed as he rose, turning his line of sight once more to his wife. Temporarily leaving the sanctuary of chopped carrots and potatoes, she lifted her head and forced a smile through her lips. "Happy Valentine's Day" she whispered. The brunette raised his eyebrows with surprise. "Eight years we've been married and you're only saying this now?"

"God, you know, must you go and turn every little thing into an argument?"

"I turn everything into an argument?" repeated Logan incredulously. "Sure, I'm the one who loves to nitpick and start a war; you're innocent in all of this, aren't you?"

"Just… don't, please" said Camille, turning around to the stove. She unceremoniously threw in the medley of vegetables into the steaming pot and gave it a series of quick stirs. "We promised him we wouldn't do this."

"We promised him that ever since he could talk Camille" said the brunette softly. "And every single time we break it."

"Were we too young?" asked Camille, slowing down her stirring until it came to a stop. "Is that why we can't make this work?"

"Is that what you think?"

"I don't know what I think anymore" she mumbled softly. "We were only eighteen and expecting an unexpected kid. Everything we did since then – it seems so rushed."

"And the two of us only make it worse, don't we?" Camille slipped her head into a nod. She gave the pot one final stir and turned to face her husband. Her face wore all the marks of her battles, each line of stress a testament to sleepless hours at night and weary tears shed by sunlight. "I went to see a divorce lawyer today" she said quietly. Logan stared at her, his mouth slightly ajar. His face was completely unreadable. "You did what?"

"I want out of this. I can't take what we're doing here anymore."

"We agreed on this Camille" said the brunette with widened eyes. "We said that we'd stick this out for Leo's sake."

"I know what we agreed to. But do you honestly think that any kid would choose to have his parents kill each other everyday rather than split their time between two different homes?"

"Two different homes huh?" growled the brunette, his eyes burning with rage. "Obviously you've given this a lot of thought."

"Like you haven't!" cried Camille, brushing her mahogany locks from out of her eyes. Her voice quivered with a desperation that Logan heard only in his own thoughts. Was this really happening? "Is this what you want?" he asked icily. "To destroy our family?" He watched his wife's every move, sickly fascinated by her indignant stare. "I'm not destroying anything. This is the only way to save us."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Save us" muttered the brunette, allowing the acidic tang of the glass of champagne in his hand to settle on his tongue. "She isn't saving anyone." He took a hardened look around the luxurious trappings of the hotel room. Of course, it was a bad sign that the hotel staff instantly knew him by name: they could even predict his dinner and breakfast order. His life had become nothing more than a mere source of entertainment to them. "I'm the one who's been one the edge for years waiting to end this and she comes off as playing the heroine? How the fuck does that work?" He downed the rest of the champagne in one gulp and poured himself another glassful. "Hey Logan, happy fucking Valentine's Day" he screeched mockingly. "Oh and by the way, I WANT A DIVORCE!" His teeth caught hold of his bottom lip anxiously. If anything, this wasn't the way it was supposed to go. They had sworn to each other to stand together as man and wife through thick and thin, if not for love then at least for their son. "I'm sorry Leo" he whispered tenderly. "I'm sorry Mommy and I couldn't give you the loving family you deserved."

Laying the glass on the glass table in the middle of the room, Logan proceeded to empty his pockets with careless abandon. Car keys, cell phone, hotel room key; it all came out. He was about to pick up the glass again when the hand in his pocket groped around a thin piece of cardboard. He pulled it out and gazed back at the card James had given him. The appearance seemed simple enough, black background with curly red writing. "Kendall" he murmured, feeling his head nearly float away. "Pretty name. If James recommended you, you must be one hell of a woman." It wasn't really cheating seeing that his marriage was already over. It was more of a physical solace, something meaningless to replace the sucking void of hate. "We'll see how good you are" smiled the brunette wryly as he picked up the phone and dialed the number. His heart started to pound as the dialing tone rang in his ears. Perhaps this wasn't the best decision to make while he was drunk, but screw logic and reason for tonight. If he couldn't be the one to save his family, he would at least have this piece of revenge. "_The subscriber you have dialed is not available. Please leave a message after the tone._"

"Kendall, this is uh… well, this is a potential client of yours. Room J14 at the Velvet Ribbon Hotel. I'm waiting for you."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

The shrill squeal of the bedside telephone pierced through Logan's eardrums with an abysmal amount of pain. "No" he moaned, turning around to the other side in the false hope that the ringing would get softer. "Not yet, five more minutes." Fifteen seconds of failed ignorance forced his eyes open. As he faithlessly stared up at the ceiling, he stretched out his hand for the receiver and cynically thanked whatever divine force that watched over him that this day couldn't really get any worse. "Hello?"

"Mr. Mitchell? It's Valerie here from the front desk-"

"Wait, before you carry on" muttered the brunette, wiping his face with his open palm, "what time is it?"

"A little past midnight sir. Uh, I'm sorry for the disturbance but I just sent up someone named Kendall to your room." Logan's heart started to hammer in his chest, instantly clearing up the inebriated haze weighing down on his head. "Oh… um, well thanks for that Valerie" he said uncertainly, placing the receiver back in its place. "She came" he whispered, not missing the hint of astonishment playing about in his voice. "She actually came! Oh dear God, I went and hired a hooker!"

With an anxious vigor, he leapt to his feet and immediately began to pace around the room. Thought after thought ran after in his head, each one slightly more ridiculous than the last. Damn it, if just hadn't made that call and sulked about his impending divorce like any other working class man, he wouldn't be having this panic attack! "Fuck it, why the hell am I so nervous?" he groaned, feeling his stomach sickeningly twist itself in a series of knots. He ran a frantic hand through the dark forest of his hair and turned around, hoping the room would produce some magic solution to get him out of this situation. A dark grimace mused on his lips as James came to his head – if he ever got hold of that sex-crazed maniac, he would gladly slit his throat. "OK, I can deal with this." He stopped where he stood and drew in a deep inhalation to settle the rising nausea forcing its way up his throat. "I'll just pay her and send her away for the night" he said, his voice comically rising by several octaves. His heart sent out yet another deplorable pulse of energy, hysterically dancing away within the confines of his chest. "I hope you're enjoying yourself James, this is the last night you have to live."

A quiet knock on the door sharply swung Logan's head towards its direction. "You can do this" he whispered nervously. "Be a man – do the right thing." Of their own accord, his feet trudged along the floor towards the door; carrying him against his will to a person he didn't want to meet. He was wrong – this day had gotten a lot worse. Taking in one last breath, he gently opened the door to see a blonde young man grin wryly back at him. The brunette raised his eyebrows bewilderedly as he took in the dimpled face smiling at him, momentarily losing himself in the intense green of his eyes. He stood about a head taller than him. "You rang?" he said softly, his voice washing over the brunette like heavenly lilts. "Can… can I help you?" asked Logan, mentally cursing his voice for forcing itself into that of a little girl's instead of a man's. The blonde's chuckled softly to himself. "Well, I'm kind of here to help you. You're the one who called me."

"I don't think I did."

"Yeah, you did" said the taller man cheerfully. He quickly rearranged his face to a faux concentration. "You said room J14 at the Blue Ribbon Hotel and that you were _waiting_." He continued to grin expectantly at the brunette. "Surprised much?"

"Wait, I left that for… are you Kendall?"

"The one and only" laughed the blonde. "You were expecting a girl, weren't you? Ah well, can't say I blame you. My parents wanted one too." Logan stared vacantly at Kendall, feeling his sanity slowly slip away from his lessening grip. Evidently, today wasn't done toying with him. The blonde tilted his head at Logan, examining him through his emerald gaze. "It's a bit awkward with us having this conversation out here in the hallway, don't you think? What do you say we take this inside and we split that bottle of champagne?" he said quietly, pointing to the glass table behind the brunette. Not waiting for an answer, he lightly pushed the blonde aside and walked into the room, shutting the door behind him.

Logan watched on in a dazed interest as the blonde took a hold of the champagne bottle, only to frown irately at it and set it back down. "Something wrong?" he asked tentatively, unknowingly fidgeting with his hands. The blonde threw him a tiny smile. "It's kind of warm."

"Yeah, sorry about that. It's been sitting out all night." Kendall rounded his lips to a knowing circle. "So you know my name. Would it be too forward to ask yours or are you into the whole mysterious stranger thing?"

"Logan" said the brunette, feeling his head grow lighter with each passing second. The blonde nodded. "So how did you get to know about my… I guess services would be a good word."

"I got your card from a friend."

"I see. And do I know this friend?"

"James Diamond?"

"Ah, James!" exclaimed Kendall. "Haven't heard that name in a long while."

"One of your regulars?"

"He used to be. Then he said something about that he had to stop calling me because it was unfair to rest of the Earth's population. The guy's a total nutcase if I ever saw one."

"That's him alright" said the brunette faintly. He gave his wrist a tight wring. "Look, I don't want to come up as rude or anything, but can you leave?"

"You did call me."

"I know, and I'll pay you for your uh… services. Its just that…" Logan's hands fell limply at his sides as he felt a powerful helplessness displace the edginess that possessed him earlier. The time had come for him just to forget about today and try to walk with alongside his grief. Funnily enough, it wasn't that different from the life at home he'd soon be pining after – this was just another form of pathetic with someone else. "I can't do this."

Kendall walked over until he stood right up against the brunette. He reached out his arms and gently let his fingers lay against the smaller man's hips. He rubbed his thumbs gently against the hip bones jutting out against his hold. He grinned as he felt the brunette shudder in his hold. "Would this be your first time with a man?" Logan nodded. Dropping his gaze to the floor, he felt the blonde slide his head against his shoulder. "I'll be good, I swear" he whispered, throwing the brunette into a lightheaded nirvana. "Let me be your first Logan."

"But-"

"No words." He slid a hand up the brunette's body, picking his chin up so that swimmingly confused chocolate eyes met the sharp clarity of green ones. Kendall leaned in and soothingly collided his lips with Logan's. The smaller man emitted a moan, feeling his knees wanting to collapse to the floor. He was too weak to fight this, and the blonde's tongue made quick work of his defense of closed lips. Somehow, this man had magic within his touch, paralyzing him where he stood by a simple kiss, easing all his tensions away. He wasn't supposed to feel this way, not with a prostitute, and certainly not with another man, but in the end did it really matter? What else did he have to lose?

"Bed" whispered Logan, feeling his body surrender to the blonde's. Kendall smiled, taking the smaller man by the hand. Leading him towards the bed, he swung the brunette around his body and shoved himself against Logan's, pushing them down to the mattress's awaiting yield. The blonde sinfully attacked the brunette's neck, relishing the clean taste of his milky skin against his mouth. His hand blazed down the smaller man's shirt, skillfully undoing the buttons with his nimble fingers. Down further he went, unzipping Logan's pants and tearing them along with his boxer from his legs. The brunette hissed as he felt the air caress his body, throwing his head back in sinful ecstasy. His knuckles turned white as they gripped the sheets beneath him, feeling a dark lust take over his body. "Ah" he mumbled headily, feeling the blonde's tongue swathe down his neck, teasing his nipple with mirthful flicks. "Nh!" Kendall taunted his growing erection with feather light strokes as his tongue travelled southwards across his heaving stomach. The blonde lifted his head to look deeply into the brunette's eyes. "Still want me to leave?" he asked playfully. Logan's mouth hung open. "Don't make me answer that" he breathed. Kendall laughed softly as he continued to stroke the brunette's steel hard member, causing the smaller man to writhe in pleasure beneath him. Deciding to toy with him further, he dropped his head and slowly took the head of his member into the moist warmth of his mouth. Logan let out a hedonistic cry, tightly shutting his eyes. Unspeakable tendrils of passion curled around in his head, shutting all conscious thought down. Instinct was all he needed. His fingers lost themselves in the sunshine forest of Kendall's locks, feeling the blonde bob his head up and down his member. A sordid pleasure filled his body, ardently ripping itself through his entire being. Almost immediately, he felt the blonde's mouth leave his erection and grip the sides of his body to pull himself up. He focused blankly on Kendall's grin, unable to comprehend anything that was happening. He just knew he wanted more. "Where's the bathroom?" asked the blonde breathlessly. Without a word, the brunette pointed to his left. Kendall's impish smirk deepened. "Come with me."

Logan silently followed the blonde to the bathroom, bewitched as the taller men steadily shed his clothes along the way until he too was in glorious nakedness. Before he finally freed himself from his pants, he unconsciously slid his hand into his pocket and drew out a small silver package. The brunette couldn't help but let his eyes wander up and down his body. Kendall's form was the perfect mixture of muscle and litheness, commanding a seductive air with every step he took. It seemed ironic that such a beautiful temple of a body belonged to someone who willingly violated it every day of his life. A playful smirk curled around the blonde's rose-petal lips as he pulled the smaller man along with him into the shower. He leant down and licked Logan's neck once more, reaching behind the brunette to turn the tap on. A warm spray hit their bodies, steaming up the glass doors of the shower with a heavy mist. "Know how to use one of these?" asked the blonde smilingly, raising the small package to Logan's sight. "I don't usually play bottom, but I did promise you that I'd be good." Entranced by his partner for the night, Logan slowly took the small package from the blonde's hand. With an impatient tug, he ripped open the silver foil and discarded it to the snow white shower tiles. He dropped his head and carefully rolled on the thin latex onto his erection without a single bit of logic running through his head. Everything that had happened today… Camille, Leo – all of it had disappeared by now. The ardent desire he felt now, that swept him up so completely but yet was so alien to him, was the only fuel that kept him running now. Kendall turned around and rested his hands against the steamed glass. "Go ahead." The brunette slowly entered him, gasping at the welcoming tightness of the blonde's body. Kendall moaned weakly, slamming his fist repeatedly against the glass. Logan froze his body. "Does it hurt? Maybe we-"

"Don't stop" groaned the blonde, screwing his eyes shut. "Just go." Logan slowly thrust his hips forward, building up a steady rhythm. He felt the same rapture from before course through him once more. "Fuck!" cursed Kendall, his hands sliding down the glass. The warm water spread across their heaving bodies like hot dew. Logan breathed out a profligate cloud of breath, increasing his speed. He couldn't hold back much longer. Kendall's body was too enticing for him to restrain himself, too beautiful to let go. He could feel his climax rumble deep inside of him, just waiting for the right moment to erupt itself into existence. With a yearning yelp, he pushed his hips forward one last time, letting his orgasm break him down completely. His hands found their way onto the blonde's hips for support; his breathing was ragged shards, wantonly dragging him down from his high. His eyes slowly blinked away the lust, giving him clarity to see what he had done – he had nothing left to lose, but nothing else to gain either. The ones he loved might as well have been a million miles away, and here he was trying to fill that void with a desire that amounted to nothing at the end of it all. In this game against life, he had truly lost it all. There was no coming back from this… ever.

**So guys, what do you think? Should I continue? Please leave a review and let me know, I really appreciate all your feedback! Till next time **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: No Man Is An Island**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters… but maybe I'll become the president of Nickelodeon soon and – oh fuck, who am I kidding?

**Author's Note:** Hello, good morning (or evening depending on your time zone) dear readers Hope you guys are doing well. A VERY huge thank you to everyone who read, reviewed and alerted the last chapter; I'm glad to see that this story got such a good response on its debut chapter. I hope you guys will like this one as much, so please enjoy and let me know what you think

'Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn so that we see ourselves as we really are.'

Arthur Golden, _Memoirs of a Geisha_

Logan's head pressed softly into the blonde's black, his breathing more than ragged shards of the lust that had easily drowned him earlier. His hand detached itself from Kendall's hip, only to slip into the taller man's fingers with a gentle squeeze. He wanted to apologize for his irrationality, burn out into melancholy for the wife and son he was about to lose, but not a single feeling came forward to help him try. He felt nothing inside – no inward loathing, no disgust, not even a shred of remorse. It was as if this one act of dark passion had forcibly wrenched his emotional spectrum from his heart, rendering him just a void trapped in flesh. Was this really that simple, just a cold exchange of money for temporary amnesia? He knew the guilt would come back sooner or later; this act was too huge a step in finalizing the end of his marriage for it to be simple cast aside. No doubt it was his anger at Camille that had led to him doing this, but this… this was of his own free will, his own mistake. His tryst would forever linger on his skin, perfuming his senses with the overpowering numbness that had filled the hours ever since he'd left the office. This was how he was destined to live the rest of his days: a marriage he couldn't save and an eternity of promises he couldn't keep to his son. Time would pass in its indifferent stance, but the failure of the one thing he'd worked the hardest at in his entire life would remain as a testament to something that ran on borrowed emotions, always destined for an end.

"You were great" whispered the blonde, letting out a tired breath against the shower door. Logan let out an involuntary snigger as he withdrew his limp member from the taller man's body. He removed the crumpled latex and threw it over glass door without so much as even a glance. In between the illicit kisses and touches exchanged, he was sure that he had enough mementos from tonight. "Do you say that to everyone?" he asked quietly, flipping over the tap behind him. Instantly, the shower spray increased to torrential proportions, drenching the both of them with in an opulent rain of warmth. Kendall turned around, throwing an arrogant smirk over to the brunette; his sea green gaze piercing right through the chocolate haze staring back at him. There was something so empty about those eyes despite the shimmering brown, a tale of loss somewhere behind there. It was something he encountered all too often in this particular line of work, and it became his job to help suppress it. "If I said no, would you believe me?" he asked, brushing away the golden locks plastered to his head with a nonchalant hand. The brunette shook his head smilingly. "After tonight, I don't know what to believe."

"You're not about to freak out, are you?" asked the blonde flatly, his eyebrows lifting themselves with anticipation. Logan cocked his head bewilderedly. "Why would I?"

"Usually at this point, some guys go ape at the fact that they just fucked another man" said Kendall dispassionately, tilting his head backwards so that the water hit his neck. "It's kind of irritating in my opinion. People think that you have to give up a part of themselves have sex with another person, that there's this bond between them for life."

"You think that there's not?"

"Depends on how you look it at" said Kendall, shrugging his shoulders. "But most of the time, its just seeing what you want to see, and not what's necessarily there."

"And what do you see when you look at me?" asked the smaller man quietly, pressing his back against the wall. The shower spray caressed his body, wetting every inch of his skin, causing to blush furiously under the heat. The blonde's smirk lessened as he pushed his body forward, supporting his body against the tiled wall with an open palm beside the brunette's head. He brought his face closer to Logan's, his unblinking gaze burning right through the weak façade the smaller man put up. "I can only see what you let me" he murmured, his voice barely audible over the water's soft hiss. "And right now, you're closing yourself off from something." Logan closed his eyes, feeling the taller man's hands fall over the smooth bones of his waist. "Quit this business and you could be a shrink."

"Well, it's not my place to judge people. I'm only whatever you want, not what you need." Kendall leaned forward to bruise his lips softly against Logan's cheekbones, taking a smug satisfaction at the shudder he felt rushing through the smaller man's body. "Nothing's forever you know" he whispered, reducing Logan's senses to nothing but lightheaded flashes of madness. "The pain you're so scared to feel, it'll go away." The brunette swung his head to gaze at the blonde despondently. Clearly, he was an open book this man. "Who says I'm in pain?"

"Keep fooling yourself like this and you'll end up far worse than where you are right now" said the blonde before tugging imploringly at the smaller man's earlobe. His hands traversed across the brunette's back, almost as if to etch his wisdom into him. "And when you do, you'll find out that it's not worth any price."

It had taken twenty minutes for the both of them to get dressed, but every second of it slipped by in a wondrous hurry. Logan pondered over the blonde's words as he slipped his shirt on to hide his body away from the rest of the world. If he was completely honest about it, the taller man was right – sex with a man wasn't some big revelation after all. It was almost anticlimactic in a way: that he had done something so out of his character to 'celebrate' this new phase of hollowness in his life, and the foundations on which his life was built were still standing. "Maybe this doesn't mean anything to me because he knows I don't want it to" thought the brunette somberly, watching the blonde roll his T-shirt across his golden-kissed abdomen. "This wasn't anything special or romantic. This was just me being angry and then shutting out everything else out there." He turned away respectfully as Kendall started to drag his jeans across his legs, staring questioningly out into the pitch dark sky. He couldn't allow himself to feel any of this, not until this whole sordid divorce was over. He clenched his hands into a loose ball as the thought of Camille flashed through his mind. After all this time, why end it now when it would hurt the most? Forget him, was she even thinking of Leo? He was the farthest thing from a psychologist right now, but he was more than certain that his precious son would be broken to have his mother and father be torn apart just because they couldn't be mature enough to sit down and work it out. "How am I ever going to face you Leo?" he contemplated sadly, digging his nails into his palms. "I'm so sorry son. Forgive me."

"Well, all done" said the blonde cheerfully from behind the smaller man. He gently tapped the brunette on the shoulder, snapping him out from his mental sanctuary. Logan turned around and raised his eyebrows at Kendall's impish grin. "How much do I owe you?"

"Well, lets see… I was late for this private party" said the taller man huskily. He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "And I really did mean what I said – you were great. So all in all, let's say five hundred?" Logan wordlessly pulled out his wallet from his back pocket, his face pulled into a tight mask of neutrality. He unfolded five hundred dollar bills and crisply handed them to the blonde, feeling the wall of ice inside him grow even more. This wasn't just awkward – this was pathetic. "Thanks" he said quietly, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the floor. As soon as he felt the weight of the notes leave his hand, Kendall's fingers snaked their way underneath his chin and tenderly tilted it up so that voided mahogany irises met searching green ones. The blonde gazed intently at the smaller man for a moment, basking in this angel's fragility. There was something unexpectedly hypnotizing about how beautifully broken he was; his devastation, so inconspicuous yet so consuming, pulled him in until he was almost helpless to let go. He had to remind himself that there was nothing special about him – millions of people were just as destroyed, if not worse, and the fact that he slept with someone like him was nothing more than the simple mathematical fulfillment of probability. "Don't let this take you over" he whispered, his voice shooting a pleasurable shudder through Logan's body. "Fight it."

"I'm tired of fighting" sighed the brunette quietly. "All I want… all I need is to forget." The blonde threw him a small smirk. "Give me a call next time you're in the mood to forget."

"I don't know if this is something I want to do again" murmured Logan. "Today has just gone from bad to fucked up and I don't know how to stop it."

"Take it from someone outside your drama. Giving up something you believe in won't ever heal you, and stopping yourself from feeling the hurt won't kill it in the end." Logan let out a deep breath, feeling his energy sap at the blonde's caressing whispers. "It's a chance I'm willing to take. I can't save something that's chosen to die."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"I am going to wring your neck" hissed Logan venomously, inching towards his colleague in furious steps. "I am going to crave your head off and drain every single drop of blood from your body."

"Uh… not a good idea buddy! Security cameras are pretty good over here" said James nervously, his voice thrown up several octaves by the brunette's wrathful aura. His eyes darted around the room, looking for some possible escape route. "It was a joke, I didn't think you'd actually do it!"

"Well I did, you fucking son of a bitch!" muttered Logan, exasperatedly throwing his hands up in the air. With a sweeping look of contempt at the taller brunette, he decided to let him live for the moment and head back around the desk to his chair. "You could have at least had the decency to tell me that it was a guy!"

"Where's the fun in that?" asked James smoothly. "The whole point of me doing that was to give you an option that you would have never tried before. Don't blame me if he turned out to be better than Camille." He frowned thoughtfully. "Is he better than Camille? No, wait, don't answer that, you're biased against your wife. Would you mind if I was the one making the fair comparison?"

"Get your head out of the gutter, you sick pervert" snapped Logan irritably. James really had a knack for hammering the usually exciting topic of sex into a narcissistic soliloquy. "And I'm not totally mad at you. I'm just pissed in general at the moment."

"Because you enjoyed it?"

"I didn't enjoy it!" Logan's mouth thinned out to a quivering line. James was the least intimidating person he knew, but somehow the combination of his curious stare and the topic of Kendall left him boxed in a corner. "OK, I didn't enjoy it, but I didn't hate it either." He sighed wearily. "I just let go. I didn't think about what I was doing."

"Were you the pin or the cushion?"

"Go fuck yourself" cursed Logan as he rolled his eyes sardonically. His fingers interlocked themselves into a tense network, constantly fidgeting for some invisible object. He leaned back into his chair, wishing for some divine magic to melt him into the canyon starting to fill inside of him. "How am I supposed to move on from this James? Where do I go from here?"

"Wherever you want to Logan. You're free now."

"But at what cost? We knew this marriage was toxic, but we said we'd be in it together until Leo was old enough to understand. And now, she goes and cops out on me like that."

"Don't you think you're being too hard on yourself?" said the taller brunette, his face arranged into his usual sympathetic expression. "Obviously you both reached your breaking point with each other. I'm surprised you even made it this far."

"So am I" said the brunette flatly. "I just need time to think." His colleague opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by the vociferous ring of the telephone. Logan stretched out a tired hand and picked up the receiver. "Key Advertising, Logan Mitchell speaking."

"_Mr. Mitchell? This Mrs. Albright, Leo's teacher_." The brunette's insides instantly froze at the thumping urgency in her voice. "Is everything alright?" he asked, his heart convulsing within his chest. His face slacked into an expressionless wall, looking straight past his colleague's concerned watch. "_No, its not. I think you had better come down to the school_."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Mrs. Albright?" The brunette's feet strode hard against the floor as he ran down the narrow hall to the slender figure waiting for him. It had never ceased to amaze Logan as to how much of a trooper Leo's teacher was. She couldn't have been much older than him, yet the lines on her face spoke of battles she was unwilling to let go of. Her copper hair shone brightly in the thick Los Angeles sunlight as she turned to face him, her smile welcoming but nonetheless troubled. "I'm sorry if I pulled you out of work. I tried getting hold of your wife, but her phone was off."

"Is Leo alright?" asked Logan urgently, anxiously brushing off any talk of Camille. He searched the redhead's face for a sign, noticing how she wrung her hands nervously as she spoke. "Well, nothing's happened technically, but I'm worried about his behavior." She glanced back at the door before turning to face the brunette again. "I'm sure you know that when a child starts to exhibit patterns of behavior that are uncharacteristic of them, its taken as a sign that there is some sort of adverse change around them, and most of the time its in the home environment." Logan nodded, hanging onto her every word. "He's been acting strange?"

"I'm sure that I don't need to tell you that your son's an extrovert unlike any other" smiled Mrs. Albright warmly. "But ever since he came in today, he's been withdrawn. He's not interacting with any of his friends, he's very quiet. He keeps evading my question." She cleared her throat. "It might not be my place to ask, but is everything alright at home?" Logan snorted derisively. How was it that Camille's actions seemed to arch over every sector of his life and rain down on it? "My wife and I are separated" he said bluntly, staring vacantly at the redhead. "We're starting the process of getting divorced."

"I see."

"Uh… look, I don't know if this is out of your jurisdiction or not, but is there anything I can do to soften the blow on him?" Logan's tone instantly changed from brutal frankness to a vulnerable beg. He shifted uncomfortably on his feet, unable to hold the redhead's watch any more. Camille might have already turned the boy against him for all he knew, but so long as he drew breath, he would make damn sure that Leo stayed out of this for as long as possible. He was the only innocent here, caught in an angry sea of hate with no one to save him. "Well, I haven't seen a lot of kids who come from divorced families in this particular school" she said with a hint of distaste. "But I think that Leo should be fine as long as you and your wife keep things civil between you and act as a team."

"Easier said than done." Mrs. Albright offered him a compassionate smile. "Would you like to see him?" Logan slipped her another nod before she turned around and slowly pushed the door open. As she disappeared into the colorful walls of her classroom, the brunette's ears picked up on the sound of innocent laughter and screams permeating through the air like limpid foghorns. A dull pain burst into his chest, screwing itself through his heart. His eyes misted over with the bitter sting of tears, callously clouding over his sight. "How did it come to this?" he asked himself quietly, pacing around in anxious circles. He didn't know exactly where in eight years of marriage was the one moment that reversed their emotions – it could have been yesterday when he walked out, it could have been the day Leo was old enough to understand that his parents' relationship wasn't the fairytale they made it out to be. It could have been the day they exchanged vows. In any case, one thing stood out amongst the miasma of bemusement: this was one marriage that wasn't meant to last.

"Dad?" Logan turned around on his heel to see his son hover uncertainly behind his teacher. Mrs. Albright gently coaxed the seven year old over to his father with a reassuring grin. "I'll be inside if you need me."

"Thank you." As soon as the door shut, Leo ran over to his father in a choked sob, attaching himself firmly to his legs. Logan struggled, but eventually succeeded in peeling him off long enough to kneel down to his height and swoop him into tight embrace. "Why'd you leave?" asked the brunette's son, tears streaming down his face like two symmetrical waterfalls. Logan closed his eyes, feeling his heart wrench itself sickeningly. Affectionately stroking his palm across his son's back, he finally realized what Kendall meant. No matter how angry he got, no matter how many walls he put in between himself and Camille, this would be his one permanent link to the pain. If he truly desired a better life for his son, there was no running away from this. "I'm so sorry Leo."

"You promised the two of you weren't going to fight anymore Dad!" cried the seven year old loudly, tightening his grip around his father's neck. Logan pried himself out from the boy's hold and stared straight into his clouded eyes. "I know I did little dude" he whispered hoarsely. "You're right, I shouldn't have done that."

"Mom… Mom… she…" Leo's words lost themselves over his gasps and pants. The brunette took his son's hands into his own and waited for his distressed chokes to die down. The boy dropped his head and heaved in a deep breath to soldier on. "Mom said that you may not come back home. That's not true is it?" The cocoa eyes he inherited from his father shimmered against the slice of light pouring through the corridor, spreading the pain in his chest across his body. "You're coming back, right?" Logan stared deeply at his son before shaking his head once. "I can't go back home Leo."

"Why not Dad? Don't you love us anymore?"

"Of course I do" murmured the brunette, wincing as his hurt reached its destructive zenith. "Look, I can't tell you everything just yet, but I want you to know that none of this is anybody's fault, OK?"

"Dad please come home" begged the seven year old tearfully. Logan lined his hand across his son's palm, wishing for this entire nightmare to wisp away from his existence. "I can't buddy. But I swear to you, your Mom and I don't love any less."

"Will I ever see you again?"  
"Of course you will bud. Come here." Logan pulled Leo into his arms once more. "I love you so much" he whispered, feeling the seven year old shudder into his arms. In less than a day, everything he had wanted, every dream he had was completely shattered. It was only a matter of time before the pain he felt killed him on the inside, but how different would that be from now? What could he do when the shards of his life won't fit together anymore?

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"I'm actually surprised you called again" smiled the blonde, dragging his lips across the brunette's bare chest. His hand slowly meandered against the brunette's heaving stomach, forcing Logan to throw his head back with a moan. "You didn't think I would?" he breathed, swinging his head to the side as he felt Kendall's hand on his iron hard erection. He opened his eyes to see the moon rise above the city through the hotel room window, thin as he was. The taller man licked his path upwards, breathing heavily against the milky skin of the brunette's neck. "You're more like the one time kind of customer" he whispered before sucking at Logan's skin. The smaller man forced himself to stifle a lusty scream as the blonde's tongue engraved itself against his skin, setting his body on fire. "At least I thought you were" sniggered Kendall smugly. Logan felt the satin hand in his erection tease him into an even further state of passion. "You said you could be what I wanted, remember?" he groaned, his body writhing against the larger man. Kendall's body fell like a sheet against Logan's, placing his mouth just millimeters above his ear. "But not what you need. I'm only temporary."

"Same fucking difference. Its basically the same thing tonight."

"And what would that be Logan?" The brunette arched his body upwards, feeling a wave of pleasure rip through his body. Had he had any sense in left in the empty recesses of his head, it would have been alarming at how bad he wanted this now. His life had changed practically overnight – why shouldn't he? "Help me forget."

**Damn… I feel so sorry for poor Logan… and Leo too! What do you guys think? Leave a review and let me know please. Till next chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Separation Anxiety **

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters… sigh, what a sad life. I won't even get a chance to see them in concert too! Somebody hold me!

**Author's Note:** Hey guys, hope you all are keeping well. It's been a while since I updated this story… well, longer than I would have liked anyways. A HUGE thank you to everyone who reviewed and alerted the last chapter, I love you guys for doing that. I'm glad you all are getting into it; it's a pleasure to write this for you all as well as my own creative therapy here's the next chapter, please enjoy and tell me what you think!

'Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than to try and hurt yourself by putting it back together.'

Anonymous

"_Mr. Mitchell? Are you there? Hello?_" The woman's voice on the other end of the line kept echoing through his head's black recesses, but the finality of this moment kept her request from registering until moments later. He drummed his fingers across the mirror-like desk, gazing with utter hollowness at James's bemused expression. "Yeah, I'm here."

"_I was saying that your divorce papers should be couriered to you within the next two days or so. After you've had a chance to review it, my client-_"

"You know what, could you not use the word 'client'?" said the brunette, wearily resting his head in his open palm. "This is my wife we're talking about here." He had to hand it to this woman – he had barely spent two minutes talking to her, but he already knew that she was as clear cut as they could come. Or it could have just been him… it was a continual nuisance, but he had to remind himself that other people didn't have to deal with the chaos of his heart breaking. The world did not stop revolving simply because he was in pain, but his little corner of it would soon cease to exist. After this final nail in the coffin, he would have to define himself in terms of something else: everything he had hoped for, the dreams that had kept him alive for eight years would fade into the nothingness from which they were born. He would have to bid farewell to this phase of his life, but the very idea of it scared him to death. There would be no one waiting for him every night in the bed next to him, no childlike giggles from Leo trying to play hide and seek as soon as his father got home… no more family, just the echoes of what could have been.

"_As I was saying sir, the papers for your divorce should be there with you by Monday. After you've gone through with them with your attorney, Miss Roberts would like you to contact me so that we can settle this amicably and respect the wishes of both parties._"

"Miss Roberts?" repeated Logan slowly, forcing his palm flat against the desk. His eyebrows furrowed into an injured frown as he lowered his line of sight from his colleague. "She's back to using her maiden name?"

"_I'm sorry Mr. Mitchell, but whatever personal hesitations you might have is your own prerogative at this point in time. The main focus of this mediation settlement is to prevent try and prevent a messy court case._"

"And what if I want to change something in the agreement?"

"_If Miss Roberts agrees to it, then it will be amended. If not-"_

"Court battle" whispered the brunette, feeling his heart constrict sickeningly somewhere in his chest. He took a deep breath in to steel himself, feeling his resolve restore itself for the time being. "Can you at least tell me what she wants in terms of our son?"

"_Miss Roberts is seeking shared custody. You'll find everything you need to know in the agreement I drew up._"

"Thank you" breathed Logan, placing the receiver back onto the hook. Instantly, he felt a sympathetic squeeze on his shoulder from his colleague, who had taken it upon himself to move onto the smaller man's side of the desk. "Does it ever get any better?" he asked softly, shielding his head away from the world with his hands. "I know people say that things like this happen, but do you ever move on from the hurt?"

"Buddy if anyone had the answer to that, do you think there'd be one drop of heartache in the world?" said James quietly, withdrawing his hand from his friend's shoulder to his pocket. "What did the lawyer say?"

"Divorce papers are coming on Monday apparently" mumbled the brunette from the depth of his arms. Pulling himself back to his chair's support, he gazed up emptily at the taller man, feeling his very essence start to slip away from him. There was no end to how deep these knives would cut him – his life was fast becoming an eternal void, condemned to the very ends of despair. "She planned this" he whispered icily, feeling a peculiar numbness spread across his body. It was already starting. "No one could have gotten a lawyer to draw up a divorce settlement that quickly. She wanted to end this all along."

"You're grasping at straws" said James gently; turning the chair around so that he met Logan's devastated irises with the commanding warmth of his own. "And you're missing the bigger picture."

"No James, she-"

"Maybe she did plan this" whispered the taller man, consternation dripping from his every word. It was an upsetting change for him to be the reasonable one, but right now all that mattered was that the brunette didn't fully let go of his sanity. "At the end of the day, you and I both know that your marriage was running on empty. It just didn't work."

"We could have fought James!" cried the brunette hoarsely, throwing his hands up in defeat. The sudden numbness had quickly given rise to the same throbbing pulses of heartache that had filled him this past week. "You don't just give up on eight years of marriage like that! You don't give up on a boy who wants his family back together!"

"You can't save this, no matter what you do" said James, his face completely blank of all emotion. "And as for Leo, do you honestly think he'd be happier in a house where the two people who are supposed to protect him are busy trying to slaughter each other?" Logan shook his head disdainfully, feeling his head swoon in the entropic agony that it drowned in. As bitter as it was to face up to, James was right. This sudden burst of emotion after hours of trying to conceal it with some high class gigolo wouldn't solve anything. "I just don't know where I'm supposed to go from here. My life has been Camille and Leo, and now that they're gone…" He sighed wearily, rubbing away the acrid mist of his tears. "What do you do when the people you love are just taken away from you like that?"

"No one said that it would be easy, short stuff" murmured the taller man, smiling slightly at the brunette's wondering gaze. "You've obviously got this big unknown step to take, and it scares you because the person who used to hold your hand is now the exact reason for all of this. It would drive anyone mad."

"Since when did you get so smart?"

"Round about the exact time you started to break down" smiled James. "Look, I know a good divorce lawyer; he's the best at-"

"Did you sleep with him?"

"Sadly, no" said the taller man, his cheeks gaining a sudden rush of pink. "But that's beside the point. It's Friday today. You're not going to take any work home with you, and I'm telling security not to let you inside the building until Monday morning. Just relax and go gather your thoughts." The brunette's lips curled themselves into the beginning of a smile. Sooner or later he would have to face the destruction that he and Camille had caused each other, and possibly dredge up every single emotional scar that hallmarked the torment they had foolishly put themselves through for Leo's sake. He just prayed he had the courage to do it when that moment came. "Anyone ever tell you what a giant pain in the ass you are?"

"Of course, all the time. I can't help it if I'm well endowed."

"Did not need that image James."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"We have to stop meeting like this Logan" smirked the blonde superiorly, shaking off the last of the droplets from his dampened locks. The brunette cocked his head in puppy like curiosity, searching the taller from head to toe with his quivering cocoa eyes. "I thought you didn't judge."

"I don't. But when a man like you keeps calling, it does raise some very interesting questions in my head."

"Such as?"

"Handsome guy, well paying job – let's face it, half of the females in L.A. would give their right arm just for you to say hello to them." Kendall looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "I guess the other half want the same thing too" he said slowly. "But they've either already cut their right arms off, or they're too busy stuffing it down their panties every time they get a look at you."

"I'm beginning to see why James takes such a liking to you" said Logan flatly, sardonically rolling his eyes away from the blonde. He had long since hid his body away in the bathroom robe the hotel room provided, but it didn't stop the wave of crimson blushing in his cheek whenever Kendall's eyes took a roam across him with a barely concealed hunger. It wasn't real; whatever emotions transpired between the two of was thanks to the crisp roll of hundred dollar bills that came out of his wallet, but the sheer intensity in those emerald sparks never once failed to steal a piece of him. The blonde's remark was a joke, but maybe he was right. This elaborate sexual espionage could just be a way of coping with his newfound loneliness now that the ideal of a perfect family was virtually impossible. This was simply a phase to get him to where he needed to be, and Kendall was nothing more than a person whom he paid to get some sort of gratification at the end of it all… and who also happened to read him like the bumbling idiot he was, but in the end he was still there, even if it was an act.

"What sort of questions get into your head?" asked Logan softly, watching as the taller man slipped into his T-shirt. Kendall turned his head to face the brunette, turning his all-knowing grin into a pensive half smile. "Well right now, only one thing comes to mind. What are you hiding?"

"I'm not hiding anything."

"No? Tell me about yourself then." Logan twisted his head to stare at the blank wall straight ahead. The black irony of this wasn't wasted upon him – here he was, about to wring every last bit of painful truth from himself and offer it to a person who made a 'career' of creating fantasies. "My wife is divorcing me" he murmured, feeling the blonde carefully sit down next to him on the bed. "After eight years of wallowing through this, she's leaving me and breaking our family up." The brunette's head hung despondently, weighing more with bitterness as each word passed brusquely through his lips. It was astounding that in the pretentious trappings of Los Angeles, let alone the rest of the world, the only person who could truly bring emotion to this story was him – a sex worker. "And… you're the only way I have of dealing with this."

"So every time you're with me, you hide behind me?" asked the blonde quietly, brushing the edge of his fingertips against the brunette's. "Because if you look at this from afar, no one could believe that you would actually sleep with another man. Not even you." Logan nodded, still keeping his eyes fixed on the wall up ahead. Once again, Kendall's inexplicable talent of rendering him vulnerable ripped him right down to the very core. It sounded incredibly foolish to be caught up in pain like this, but it was the only reaction he could manage to keep himself from being destroyed. The only way to get through this was to let this miasma fill every pore of his being and lessen away on its own – he only hoped that it was sooner rather than later. "I don't care what happens to me" he whispered, forcing his voice against the painful lump in his throat. "But I'll die before I let anything happen to my son." He curled his fingers away from the blonde's, forming a quivering fist, belying the soft harmonies of melancholia in his voice. "Everyday he'll look at families at school and wonder why his parents are apart… and his heart will break each and every time because his mother and I weren't strong enough to make our marriage last."

"Did you love your wife?" asked Kendall lowly, fixating the emerald pulse of his eyes on the brunette. It was against his better judgment to think this way, but there was something so fascinatingly beautiful about this man. Just the way he broke down… no tears, but his emotions were beyond the blackest reaches of despair. In his life, he had never had the privilege to see someone so incredibly sensitive and yet icily cut himself from the world at the same time.

"At one time I did" said Logan hoarsely, finally allowing his eyes to meet the blonde's. The warmth in the chocolate irises tinged themselves with unspoken sadness, desolate currents that he kept hidden inside for the sake of his sanity. "But towards the end, it was more for Leo's sake."

"Your son?"

"My world."

"Then maybe it's better that things ended between the two of you. If you're with someone for the sake of it, you're only killing yourself." He moved his lips closer to take a gentle nip of the smaller man's earlobe, eliciting a quiet moan from his thinned mouth. "And that isn't love. It's poison."

"I just wanted us to be happy together" said the brunette quietly, leaning his head to the awaiting hold of the pillow as he felt Kendall's satin tongue pay sweet homage to his neck. A small sigh of yearning punctuated the air, shooting a thunderous pleasure across his body. Even in this graying state, the blonde seemed to know exactly what to do to bring his body to life. If he wasn't careful enough, he could end up falling, but what hell could be worse than this torture? Of their own doing, the brunette's hand softly tugged at the blonde's locks, relishing the damp gold strands in their grasp. Kendall worked his way up the smaller man's throat, taking a playful bite at the tender flesh flushed with affection. The blonde withdrew his head and gazed down at the imploring brown circles staring back up at him, their devastation entirely tangible in gentle ambience of the room. "Can you stay?" asked Logan quietly, his fingers tenderly running up the taller man's arms. Kendall raised his brow questioningly. "For how long?"

"The weekend. I'll pay whatever price." The blonde smirked as he lowered himself once more, this time carving sinful messages of hope against the brunette's lips. His tongue skillfully entered the moist cavern, briefly tasting the sweet ambrosia of the smaller man's mouth before quickly withdrawing, teasing his partner's tongue as he went along. "I don't know if that's such a good idea" he whispered, throwing Logan's mind into glorious chaos with the rumbling lilts of his voice. "I may just make you worse than you already are."

"Do whatever you want. Just please don't leave me alone." The brunette ran his hand across the blonde's neck, stroking it gently with his thumb to explore the perfection that wasn't him. One more push was all he needed to surrender to this madness, he could feel it. "Not now."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

James felt his heart accelerate to near light speed as he stared at the varnished oak door, feeling his usual brash confidence abandon him completely. The actual door, more like a wall of art with the carving of an angel smiling benignly upon its wooden canvas, wasn't the thing that sent shots of adrenaline bursting through his being – though the person it concealed would no doubt slit his throat if he remembered correctly. "He's certainly made a name for himself" smiled the executive weakly to himself, feeling his palms sweat in glorious anxiousness. The very fact that he stood here before this modern day castle of a house, prepared to go down on bended knee and beg for help should have immediately set off some warning sign in his head, but he had to continually remind himself that he wasn't that person anymore – at least he tried not to be. There weren't many people on this planet that could make him feel anything, let alone the sting of shame, but somehow the owner of this mansion could set of rainbows of emotion inside of him without even trying. No, he should not be here at all. There was so much that could go wrong, but then again he wasn't here for himself. Logan could be distant at times, but he was a good friend, and he deserved some sort of closure to his toxic marriage. "When this is all over, you owe me big time" thought the brunette to himself, eventually mustering up some ramble of courage to reach out to the doorbell. No matter how hard he tried, his finger point blank refused to hit the button. "No, come on Diamond!" muttered James irately, swerving his index finger around the button. "It's just a fucking doorbell!"

"It's not as hard as you think it is. What, you need a masters degree just to figure out how to work this thing?" James's heart instantly dislodged itself, plummeting with a sickening force right down to his stomach as he felt a hand wrap around his wrist and guide him to the doorbell. As the melodious chimes flowered around the air, he turned around to see the man who flared him up like this smile quizzically at him. Although around a head shorter than him, he still commanded a fierce atmosphere like he'd done all those years ago. "Carlos. I wasn't stalking you or anything, it's just… you know, these things are so hard to figure out."

"No? It's a shame, no one quite flattered me like you did" smiled the Latino, briefly flashing his snow white teeth at the taller man. James nodded nervously, spreading his smile across his lips until they could stretch no more. "So… how've you been?"

"Oh, same old. I'm guessing it's the same for you, otherwise you wouldn't be so anxious."

"Am I that obvious?"

"Yes." Carlos smirked knowingly at the furious blush on the executive's cheek, cocking his head with faux innocence. "Do I still have this effect on you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about" said the taller man faintly, darting his eyes around for some sort of inspiration to change the topic. "Anyway, that's not why I'm here. I need your help. A friend of mine is getting divorced, and he's taking it really hard."

"And out of all of the lawyers in Los Angeles, you came to me?"

"I didn't know where else to go." The taller man dropped his gaze to the floor. "And he needs someone compassionate right now to fight for him. Who better than you?"

"Thank you for the compliment" sighed the Latino, stretching his arms out into the air tiredly. "When's his papers coming through?"

"Monday by the latest I think. I hope."

"Well, tell him I'll meet with him on Tuesday in your office."

"How'd you know I work with this guy?"

"Well, all the guys from college hated you, and all the girls swooned over you, fucked you and then hated you when you didn't call back. It kind of figures you'd still be the same."

"And you? Are you still the same?" Carlos threw the brunette another cynical grin, forcing the taller man to buckle slightly at his knees. "I'm married now." Thunder struck deep inside the brunette somewhere, feeling his shame now take tangible form for the first time in years. He could feel his eyes shimmer indistinctly with regret but he was powerless to stop them. "Married?"

"Yes, and I've got the wife, kids and Labrador to prove it" said the Latino, lessening his smile. He drifted his hand up to the space in between them and flashed the band of silver bound around his finger. In the small seconds of silence, James's eyes shot between the vacant expression in the shorter man's face and the circle basking in the sunlight. Carlos exhaled deeply. "You didn't think I'd wait forever did you?"

"No, of course not." James managed another weak smile. "I'm happy for you" he lied, staring hopelessly at the one person who had always held the right to own him. Of course Carlos would move on, he had every right to after what he did to him, but it didn't have to hurt so much. For the first time in his life, James Diamond felt a stab of regret puncture through his heart, obliterating it into shards that would never be whole again. "I get it now. This it what it's like."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Why are so many people awake this early?" muttered Kendall, throwing a dark glare around the café, eyeing the patrons with an irate disbelief. Each clatter of cutlery against plates sounded off in his head like a drill. Logan stared at him incredulously. "It's ten o' clock in the morning."

"It's a Saturday morning! They should be having their penultimate dreams for the night right about now."

"You mean day" smiled the brunette, taking a careful sip of his coffee. "I take it you're not a morning person?"

"What was your first clue?" yawned the blonde, tracing random shapes on the tablecloth with his finger as he closed his eyes lazily. "My job usually takes place during the night, so this is the only time I really get to myself."

"I'm sorry for getting you up. You can go back to the hotel if you want." Kendall instantly opened an eye and threw a polite grin at Logan. "I'll be fine. Just pour your coffee over me if I fall asleep." The brunette strummed his fingers together carefully, thinning his mouth out in deep thought. "Do you enjoy your job?" he asked quietly, leaning forward so that his words weren't caught onto by anyone else. The blonde gave a sarcastic snigger. "You mean do I enjoy getting laid every single night and get paid for it?"

"Don't you want something more?"

"Like what? A stable career, respectable lifestyle?" His emerald eyes glinted mischievously. "Love?"

"Do you?"

"To be honest, I try not to think about it. Most people I meet are so busy chasing their ideals, they forget to enjoy them. They become lost because they've forgotten what it is they want out of life." He let out a weary cloud of breath, noticing the brunette hang on intensely to his words. "Yes, one day I'll get tired of this, and maybe I'll want all those virtuous dreams too. But when I die, I'll know that I've lived my life the way I wanted to – by my own terms, and no one else's."

"Spoken like a true cynic" murmured the brunette, absentmindedly playing around with his cup. Not once did he allow his gaze to escape the green mirrors looking back at him. Kendall didn't sugarcoat his words with saccharine ideas of what life should be like. He may lean towards the more pessimistic side of philosophers, but that didn't mean what he said wasn't true. "What advice do you have for someone who's lost it all?"

"Stop looking at this like its one big tragedy Logan" whispered the blonde, tenderly interlocking his fingers with the brunette's. "You just got your slate wiped clean. Start over."

"I know, but how do I do that? I can't just forget that that part of me ever existed."

"No, and you never will. But if you carry on like this, you can be sure of dying." Kendall leaned across the table, placing his mouth beside the smaller man's ear. "What would your son think in the future if he knew his dad wasted away his life because he could never move on from a relationship that was always meant to fuck up?"

"It's not that easy."

"Stop hanging on to the past. You're never going to get it back." The blonde wandered his head in front of Logan's pressing his lips softly against his own before returning to his seat. "After all those years, you deserve this much. Let go."

**Wow, looks like the Kogan action is starting to get interesting? Plus what's the deal with James and Carlos? Hope you guys liked it, please leave a review and tell me what you thought! Till next time!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Awaiting Midnight**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters. Big freaking surprise right there…

**Author's Note:** Hello faithful readers, no I have not forgotten about this story! It's been a while since I visited this, but you know how it goes – creativity issues, campus life, crazy family, etc. As always, a huge thank you goes out to everyone who read the last chapter, I love you all for taking the time to enjoy my work. As always, any thoughts or comments you have are most welcome, so don't be shy to let me know of them. So here is the next chapter, please sit back and enjoy…

'You live under the delusion that you can fix everything that isn't perfect. You don't love, you need.'

Dr. Gregory House, _House_

The city writhed itself in all of its glamorous ecstasy, he could practically feel it. It breathed, it needed, it consumed just like he did; even more so as Saturday night drove itself to the maddening climax of the bewitching hour. He should have been out there in the middle of it all, a body amongst hundreds of others, all of them seeking to attain the lustful nirvana they were so addicted to, laced with just enough alcohol to make it that much more shameless. And yet, here he was, plainly staring at the passing figures on the alarm clock beside his bed to actually make sure time hadn't simply given up on him. A yearning breath softly permeated the air, but his head was too busy hunting down a fool's paradise of fantasies to notice. What he couldn't tell anyone, not even to his own heart, was that this was an act; a charade so well crafted, he had actually begun to believe his own mythos. For all his sinful charms, for all the days upon days of superficial bliss, the hurt of his mistake still throbbed freshly inside of him to serve as a constant reminder of what he had lost. "So close" he murmured despondently, feeling his hand clench around the ice white sheets in fury. "So fucking close and I lost you." At the end of it all, there was nothing special about him: take away the sexual prowess and all that was left was a seething mass of hate directed inwards as penance for his crime. Like so many before him, James Diamond thought he was invincible against anything the world could hurl at him – he was only beginning to understand that it wasn't the case.

If anything, today had proven that there was still a considerable shred of humility swimming around inside of him somewhere. Seeing Carlos, having the man he nearly called 'soul mate' right before him within his grasp, should have been much more difficult than it actually was. He should have been furious at himself, carving bloody scratches across his torso with his bare hands for not taking the Latino into his arms and reminding him why they had set each other ablaze in the first blaze. It would have all been too easy to run away to somewhere where his fault never existed… where they were still lost in the kind of love that colored the sky in all shades of romantic fanaticism. To say they loved was an understatement: they blindly scarred themselves with the other until they saw nothing else, an almost perfect figure eight that yielded to no one. Thanks to him, those days had stopped, only to become mere memories of the epic love that they had both authored. Still, he had to admit defeat at Time's hands – his beloved had mellowed: fiery by all means no doubt, but more structured now. Other concerns took priority than wallowing over an old flame: a wife, children and the astronomical bound of an upward career. "Which is exactly why he'll never come back" thought the executive miserably, propping himself upright against the cool slip of his headboard. "And why I don't have the guts to steal him away from the life he's made." A sad smile pondered briefly upon his lips as he felt a melancholic pride swell his chest against the thin cotton of his T-shirt. In all his philandering, his insatiable lust had never so much as registered the thought of his partner's marital status. The fact they were taken made it all the more sweeter, bestowing upon him the status of a one-night temptation that broke all laws of trust. He had lost count of the number of people he'd shared his bed with, but it had only taken one to flip his entire world around then. "You never stop, do you?" he whispered quietly, drawing the comforter closer to his body. "You just keep making a fool out of me until there's nothing left, just like before. And I keep running towards you like the idiot I am."

A loud rattling clamored at his ears, forcing him to temporarily abandon his self-inflicted mental assault. Turning his head to the side, he saw his phone light up repeatedly at the end of the bed stand with a number he didn't recognize. Sighing wearily to himself, the incessant vibrations forced the executive to reach over and bring the thin rectangle of plastic over to his ears. "Hello?"

"_James Diamond… what's your favorite kind of scary movie?_" The brunette's heart cracked into a vociferous tattoo at the smug impishness of the voice, drawing his brow into a bemused frown. He pressed the phone right up against his ear as he leaned forward, allowing the comforter to fall completely from his chest. "Carlos?" he asked softly, lightly wringing the sheets beneath him in between his fingers. The Latino's cascading lilt of laughter rained into his ears, forcing him to relive the infinity of moments they had called their own. He had lost count of how many times he had heard that chuckle, but had missed its cheering melody terribly. "_Yeah, sorry about the corny intro. I hired 'Scream' from the video store today and I thought I'd give it a try._"

"How'd you get my number?"

"_I have my ways_" said the Latino smoothly, cajoling a light chuckle out of the executive. "_Plus it helps that I did a little digging into your employment at Key Advertising._"

"Should I be flattered or freaked out?" Carlos's snigger deepened the helpless grin plastered on the brunette's face, letting a light shade of crimson blush its way up his cheeks. Whether he wanted it or not, James had to admit that the lawyer had an enigmatic power over him, capable of contorting him to whatever whim he pleased. "_You can relax. I just wanted to know what kind of client I'll have on my hands, but like half your firm are divorcees. I don't suppose you had anything to do with that?_"

"Just the attractive ones." James pursed his lips together in a single anxious line, feeling his stomach lurch sickeningly down several notches. The Latino didn't even have to make an effort to reduce him to below the lovesick schoolgirl level, his ruthless magic knew bounds – all he had to do was give the executive enough rope to willingly hang himself. "So why the midnight call?"

"_Wasn't that always our time?_" The brunette's breath eclipsed itself inside his lungs at the lawyer's words, feeling his heartbeat sing pleadingly against his ribcage. Would the torment never end? "Yeah, it was" he said quietly, lowering his eyes to the vast expanse of white across the bed. He heard the Latino exhale deeply on the other end of the line. "_I… I wanted to make sure you were OK. You looked like you were pretty out of it this morning_."

"I'm fine Carlos." The brunette's voice came out as a flat mumble as his grip on the sheets grew tighter. "_You really thought I'd wait, didn't you?_"

"Of course not." James felt his head swoon into the numbing chaos. Even now, Carlos could see right through him, past the defiant mirages of truth he placed up. He could collapse into nothingness right now, and still that same pitiful look inside the Latino's eyes would burn like a lighthouse. He couldn't bare it anymore. It was too much to ask of him to sit there and have the love of his life douse him in sympathy. "Look it's pretty late-"

"_Yeah, yeah, of course. I'll see you on Monday?_"

"Sure. Goodnight." The brunette clicked the button on his phone, glaring at it as the light died out once more to standby. "Fucking hell" he muttered irritably, digging his nails into his left forearm as a reprimand for his uncalled iciness. This wasn't just asking an ex for a favor, this was a last grapple at an illusion of hope. "It was just a phone call, that's it" he said, gritting his teeth together. "You… you're nothing to me anymore." In his twenty six years of existence, James Diamond had to wonder why out of all the lies he told, the one he had just uttered was the hardest to believe. He had everything he wanted, every bit of cherished freedom he could desire, and yet he was trapped by a man who hadn't done a single thing except give him the privilege of building a life together. Love was so much easier to understand when it was the work of others.

-xoxoxoxoxo-

A wry smirk curled around Logan's lips as he errantly ran his hand through the blonde's locks, feeling himself grow even more addicted to the silken sunshine teasing his skin. For someone who claimed to so vehemently own the night like he did, Kendall's boredom had finally got the better of him and coerced him to a reluctant slumber; leaving the shorter man to converse with his thoughts alone. The brunette felt his fair share of guilt – no doubt the blonde was the type of person who thrived off his freedom, tied to the world by no one and nothing; and here he was, enticingly trapped by the lure of someone else's neediness. When he actually thought about it, Logan knew sweet nothing about the man sleeping soundly beside him, and yet was happy enough to hold him like he'd done with Camille during the early joyful solstice of their marriage. The very logic contained by the four walls of this hotel room seemed to be peculiarly contorted compared to the outside world, but when the very thing he'd worked his whole life to make a success shattered gloriously across his face, did the social order of things really matter? Kendall had said it himself: this wasn't some beautifully hued relationship defined by emotion; this was fantasy, a lie that was substituted for the truth to make everything seem less painful. There was no big revelation here, no agonizing that another man's body was his personal plaything for the right amount of money… just the soothing emptiness of nothing but instinct. And yet the brunette couldn't help but surrender to the sly undercurrent of magnetism every time he was alone with the blonde, allowing his body to stray where his mind wouldn't. There was so many things unsaid between them, all of them painfully unnecessary, but he still wanted to know. "Who are you exactly?" thought Logan smilingly, watching the blonde let out a soft whimper, lost entirely to the depths of unconscious. "Why the hell am I here with you instead of fighting for what I lost?" He slunk his body down the bed until he was perfectly slotted against Kendall, two seemingly polar halves cut from the same stone – perfect symmetry. A content cloud of breath escaped the blonde's lips, causing Logan to lightly rest his forehead against the nape of the taller man's neck. His hands affectionately rested against the hip bone before them, stroking it in barely-there brushes of his thumb. "There is so much I want to ask you" he contemplated, closing his eyes against the blonde's warmth. "Fuck that, there's so much I want you to take out of me. I know I'm using you, and I know that this isn't right… but you're all I have left to deal with this. I'm sorry Kendall."

"You really don't have to be" mumbled the blonde incoherently, slowly pulling his hand across to tenderly rest it upon the brunette's zealous hold. The taller man's fingers felt like blossoms of the finest satin against Logan's skin, spinning him into the awaiting arms of a heady infinity. "Did I say that last bit out loud?" he asked softly, running his lips against the thin film of heat on the back of the blonde's neck. Kendall jerked slightly, backing his body into the shorter man's grip. "Last bit?" he chuckled softly. "You mean there was more?"

"There was" admitted the brunette quietly, nearly collapsing his lungs in one fluid breath. He closed his eyes against the blonde's warmth, feeling it percolate through his entire body from just his bare fingers. There was something he had to keep learning over and over from his encounters: with Kendall, there was no line between fantasy and reality; just enough of the dangerous mix to shoot him way past anything sanity could give. He was falling – fast, but whether it was for the person or the whole flipside experience of it all, he couldn't tell. Maybe it didn't matter after all – no one else could make him wear the uniform of a blithering idiot like this so willingly… well, no one in eight years. "I was thinking. Sort of."

"So, tell me what you were thinking about. Sort of."

"Turn around." The blonde surrendered to Logan's request, letting the brunette's hand temporarily fly off his hip as he twisted his body around, hitting the shorter man with the full breathless force of his gaze. His eyes smilingly searched the shaky mahogany spheres in front of him, burning right through them with the intense rainbows of green hidden in his irises. Logan averted his gaze to the slight heave of the taller man's chest, furiously wracking his brains for the words to put his storm of emotions into the safe concrete of words. "I don't know who you are" he said finally, reaching out his fingers to slip them into the sanctuary of the blonde's hand. "I mean, you literally came out of nowhere to save me."

"I didn't save you Logan" said Kendall quietly, leaning his head over to bruise his lips against the shorter man's forehead. "I just-"

"Did your job, I know I know. But you can spin it any way you want to. The fact is… you saved me when I needed you the most."

"God, please don't go all soft on me" said the taller man quietly, the hint of golden amusement playing across the soft notes of his voice. His fingers left Logan's hands to traverse the distance between them, lightly lifting up the brunette's chin. Swathes of devastation and fantasy swam around aimlessly in the chestnut circles as the blonde's lips teasingly found their target, allowing the brunette a single taste of his sinful heaven. "I keep telling you that I'm no savior" he murmured, passionately losing his hand in Logan's spikes. "As soon as this weekend is over, we both go back to reality. I'm not real, none of this is."

"Could you please just stop saying that for one second?" said the brunette, his eyes finally gaining a semblance of intensity. The liquid brown deepened with tones of yearning, robbing the taller man of his words. "I know all of that, but what other option do I have?"

"There's a whole world waiting out there for you to explore. Get your ass out there."

"I don't think I want that." Kendall sighed wearily, indulging himself in a sardonic roll of his eyes. There was only so much his body could do here: if Logan didn't want to be helped, the entire world could bang on his door and it wouldn't be enough. "What do you think Logan?" he whispered, staring at the brunette with the absolute clinical questioning of a shrink. The brunette gazed imploringly at the taller man, feeling his heart run rampant with sickening thuds. Had it always been this obvious, or was this just another effect from the sentient drug lying beside him. This didn't make any sense at all – in fact, it begged for the relief of rational thinking; but it still felt like the most amazing fucking high anyone could ride on. He couldn't deny this. "I think I'm falling in love with you."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Mom?" Camille narrowed her eyes to lessen the sudden flood of light into her room, her line of sight concernedly hypnotized by the small figure standing in the doorway. "What's wrong honey?" she whispered, watching as her son awkwardly shuffled across the ice white carpet to clamber up beside her. Leo snugly fitted his back into her arm, causing her stomach to twist guiltily with a single flash of his eyes. For a single second, Camille mistook the swimming beads of emotion for her husband's eyes, and felt her heart bleed into fiery weeps for her son. No more would there be hushed battles being fought until midnight, no snarky remark or icy comeback – just the stillness of failure, and ten million reasons why a marriage that was never meant to be in the first place had ended with such melancholic finesse. No matter how many times she had told herself that this wasn't real, the emptiness of the house said otherwise. Practically overnight, the Mitchell household had become a mere two bedroom dwelling with enough heartache to drip from the walls , and caught in the blithely malicious war was its smallest resident who filled his heart up with hope that one day his father would walk through the door as if he'd been there all along.

"I can't sleep" said the seven year old, turning his head to despondently face the long stretch of wardrobe opposite the bed. He'd often hid behind those doors, sanctuary from his father during their hide and seek games. No matter how his day had ended, Logan had always ensured that his face wore a smile especially for his son, that his body pushed itself until exhaustion was just another benchmark it passed all in the name of paternal love. Those were just memories now, waiting to die and become forgotten slips of time. "I wish Dad was here" he said hoarsely, feeling his mother's hold on him tighten protectively. Camille felt her head despairingly hit back against the pillow. "I know you do buddy. But no matter what happens, the two of us are here for you." Leo's head drooped against his mother's shoulder, heaving his chest with the kind of sorrow no child should ever bear. "I know Mom."

"And none of this, not one bit of it is your fault. That's very important."

"That's what Dad said too" murmured Leo. Camille closed her eyes, putting up every single resistance she could from not simply grabbing her son and apologetically bursting into tears. "Then you know it's true."

"Do you love Dad?" The seven year olds mother frowned bemusedly. "What do you mean?"

"Like… Mrs. Albright said that when people love each other, they get married. Do you love Dad like that?"

"Of course I do."

"Then why did you guys fight all the time? Why isn't he here now?"

"Leo" breathed Camille sympathetically, unconsciously stroking her son's hair to soothe him. Leo irritably shook her hand away, turning around to glare at her expectantly. How on earth was she to explain to a kid who wasn't even in double digit ages yet that the relationship that gave him life had completely poisoned his parents, and that he was the one and only factor that bound them to it? "Sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to" she said softly, screwing her eyes shut against their acidic burn. "You try, but… it's just not enough."

"I miss him."

"Me too honey." Camille pulled her son down to her chest, her eyes roving hopelessly to the ceiling above as she prayed for some form of comfort tonight. For so long, she had craved this escape from Logan, just wanting to be whole again – but at the cost of her son. This was the right thing to do, but why she feel so ashamed to be in her own body right now? "I miss him too."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

The sun had yet to incandescently bleed the Los Angeles horizon pink, but already the executive was alert, his head chasing thought after thought with seamless transition. Not an ounce of sleep had touched his body, but he could have cared less. He would have run to the ends of the earth, anything to rid himself of these old haunting of love. "If you can call it love" he thought bitterly to himself, watching the lawyer sit thoughtfully on the porch steps of his house. The heavy arches of sycamore trees across the street hid the executive's SUV from sight, its jet black perfectly camouflaged by the dying reign of night. He wondered what the Latino was up so early for, but immediately reprimanded himself for his forgetfulness. Carlos had always been an early riser, synching himself up perfectly with the dawn with little effort on his part. The brunette had laughing chastised his lover on many occasions for his strange morning rituals, but had soon come to realize that they were a small part of the quirks that were a part of him. Passion, like so many other emotions, did not sit well upon the executive's chest – its hedonistic jealousy incinerated his being to a mere shell, filled with only possibilities of what could have been… stupid little daydreams instead of the reality they had once planned. A Golden Retriever bolted out of the corner, licking and pawing its way up to its owner's face with blind enthusiasm and utter faith. The brunette nodded his head wearily, throwing it back to the headrest of his seat. He had been that puppy once, strung along by the Latino's fatal allure, and he had loved every bit of it. "No wonder Logan's so hung up about divorce" he contemplated darkly, feeling his head finally transcend into the loose world of yearning. "This is heartbreak fucking reduces me to."

Pulling his phone from the seat next to him, James hastily tapped away at its screen to dial up the number last registered, feeling his chest heave and loosen with each anxious ring of the tone. This was sheer madness, beyond the realm of flattery, but what else could he do? Three sets of tones later, he heard the breath of the one person who'd ever truly saw him for what he was caress the line in short blasts. "_And I'm the one who's mad for putting in a call at midnight?_" James smilingly shook his head to himself. "I just thought I should return the favor" he said, watching the Latino adoringly scratch at the Retriever's throat. "That's a cute dog."

"_What? How – Where are you?_" The Latino stood up in alarm, twisting his body in agile revolutions as he attempted to pierce through the darkness. "_James, look_-"

"You were right" interrupted the brunette quietly, gazing longingly at the man he could never have. "I was out of it yesterday. But not for the reasons you think I was."

"_What do I think James?_" The executive gave a hollow chuckle through the phone. "You think that I acted weird because a very big part of me still loves you."

"_If I remember right, it was that same very big part of you that loved everyone else too_."

"I do love you Carlos" said the brunette hoarsely. "I always have, and there's nothing you or I can do to change that." He closed his eyes exasperatedly, feeling the fatigue coil its way up his body. "I was weird because it struck me that you moved on. You have a family, a career, everything that we wanted." Identical tears burned down his cheek, droplets in his ocean of hurt that condensed his entire being into two gleaming stars of despair. "I got left behind babe. I'm the one hurting here."

"_James_-"

"And no, I'm not OK with all of this, whatever it is. But there's one thing I didn't lie about." He swallowed hard, feeling a sudden lump in his throat send out excruciating pulses of pain. This was his trial by fire to see what he was made of. "I never once thought you would come back after what I did. I respect you too much to want you to do that."

"_What do you want? No lies, no pretending, just the truth. Tell me._"

"Nothing. Goodbye Carlos."

**Woah, I'm really feeling broken up about all of this Jarlos action! And how will Kendall react to what Logan just said? PLEASE leave a review and tell me what you all thought, thank you so much! Next time on **_**Kings of the Night**_**: our favorite blonde finally knocks some sense into his client, James has an uncomfortable encounter at work and… something happens that may call the entire divorce off ;) Till next time guys!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Breathe For Me**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters.

**Author's Note:** Hey guys, what's been happening? Apologies for the delay with this chapter, but I just wanted to take a little detour with my other stories… and then campus happened. But it's over now! At least I hope it's over… Anyways, a huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed, read and alerted the story while I was away, it means a lot to me that you guys keep taking time out of your lives to read my work. Please let me know what you think of this one too!

'Apology is a lovely perfume; it can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift.'

Margaret Lee Runbeck

What was it about this particular Monday that slipped it away into those upper echelons of special days? As he let his eyes ponder the snow white rows of tiles beneath him, Logan Mitchell struggled to fond even one thing that made this day glaring obvious from the rest of the humdrum monotony that he had become a slave to. "Well, I got a muffin with extra chocolate chips at the coffee shop" he thought pathetically, his gaze tracing over the same patch of grit repeatedly in an effort to conjure up some magical concept to herald what was to come. Brushing his teeth, driving to work, even the elegant pain of waiting here in the company lobby were all different incarnations of the same pool of exhausted emotions, something even chocolate chips couldn't fix. Pulling himself back into the upright support of the chair, the brunette felt a sad smile creep upon his lips; the uniform that had haunted him throughout his life. If he was honest with himself, the fact that there wasn't anything to highlight this occasion shouldn't really have come as much of a surprise – up until recently, he had been a regular client of a male prostitute and the world had yet to even blink in response. Why he had to depend on Kendall of all people was still a mystery to him, a quiet whisper that begged to be solved. The executive felt his face fall back into its vacant slate, staring at the sparsely populated lobby at those brave enough to grace him with a smile. "How stupid am I to tell him that I love him" he rebuked mentally, feeling his fingers tightly grip the folds of his pants. "And not even have the decency of being drunk as an excuse." Of course, the blonde was his sweet escape to uncharted desires; that was the whole point of his lusty career – his body was meant to be homage to the sinful magnificence of lust and the madness it drove mere mortals to. There was no sentiment in that relationship, just the simple exchange of cash for an hour or two of sweaty gratification, yet the bitter aftertaste of this past weekend had yet to leave Logan's mind. Kendall had left soon after his foolish confession with the simple residue of a faint smile curling upon his lips. There wasn't a hint of fear or anger hiding behind his eyes, just the emerald glimmer of disappointment. "You know you really have it bad when a gigolo takes pity on you" contemplated the brunette darkly, sighing wearily to the empty space around him. Technically speaking, this miasma of bewilderment was born as soon as Camille came up with the ridiculous pretense of a heroic divorce. Once it was finalized, things could go back to the way they were, as if the blonde had never even entered his life in the first place… he hoped. Surely he deserved this much at least: to go on with his miserable existence unhindered by the venomous love waiting back home for him every night. "One can only try."

"I figured you'd be here this early" called a voice softly, magnetically snapping the brunette's head around to the chair beside him. Thunderstruck confusion flushed through his skin as his narrowed pupils took in the sight of his wife gracefully placing herself next to him. Her smirk was a serene one, nearly amused at his shock, but then again who wouldn't have been? This would be just another stage in the deliriously dark hilarity of his days, a scene for everyone to laugh at but him. "I think it's a bit unethical for you to be here right now" murmured Logan, feeling his head spin in delightfully painful circles as he dropped his gaze away from the former shadow of his life. His words didn't deter the bright attempt of a grin on Camille's lips, her grin pressing on like a beacon in the dark. "You sure do pick your words carefully" she chimed quietly, taking a quick look around the clean cuts of space in the lobby. "I don't think you've ever used that word to describe us."

"Adjectives aside, my lawyer is going to be here at any moment to go over the papers you sent over" said the brunette flatly, his voice reduced to flat, loveless monotone. He cracked his fingers tensely, still keeping his eyes intently away from the burningly curious figure next to him. "If-"

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about" said Camille softly, her smile gradually fading away into a ruby red linearity of skin. Her heart pulsed out sickeningly as she stared on at her husband, waiting for some sign to present itself. She rightly deserved every single bit of his indifference; she had been the one to give into her need for liberation at first. "Come home Logan" she whispered hoarsely, gingerly placing a hand on his back. Her expression wrung itself out in twitches as the executive's eyes instantly flew up to meet her, the quivering brown gazing right down to her very being. "What?"

"Please come back." Her plea was simple; no arguments, no fancy confessions, just the quiet begging of completion. Logan roved his eyes upon her face. "I don't think you understand what divorce means."

"Come with me" said Camille, taking his hand into her own as she stood up. With a sudden show of force, she pulled the reluctant depressive off his chair and into the blinding judgment of light streaming into the thin glass windows. "Hey, let go!"

"Just give me ten minutes before you go and meet your lawyer" said Camille, turning around blankly. "If after that you still want to go ahead with this, then I'll personally make sure no one stops you." Logan cocked his head to the side. "What are you playing at?"

"Happiness. Yours, mine and everyone else's."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

The Latino sighed exasperatedly as he paced up and down the office length, gazing quizzically out at the looming crispness of the office. Whoever this guy was, he clearly stood by a 'less is more' theorem – apart from the encroaching solidity of the polished black desk, there were no other pieces of furniture that stood out immediately. Everything seemed to fit into place with a certain order and respect, nearly having an air of clean cut dignity about it, almost like they knew they were being viewed in a certain order. Not a single trace of personality existed in here, just the cool professionalism of someone who carried on with their work for the sake of it. Carlos shrugged uncomfortably, letting out a deep cloud of breath. In his particular occupation, he'd come to regard himself as a biased marriage counselor who just happened to know a thing or two about law rather than a full on lawyer. He'd seen this particular kind of trap before, where people used their work to escape their real lives, quietly choosing to let things escalate out of control. He didn't judge personally, but aside from the fact that these people were like bread and butter to him, they seemed more helpless than anything else. Family was supposed to be something that you could rely upon through whatever hardships life decided to unceremoniously chuck out. If that foundation chose to erode, everything came crashing down. "And all the king's horses and all the king's men can never ever put a marriage back together again" sighed the Latino, softly chucking at the soft carpet beneath him with a small kick. "Where the hell is this guy?"

"You still talk to yourself after all these years?" The lawyer froze in his tracks instantly, smirking knowingly to himself. He didn't need to turn around to recognize that sultry lull of a voice lying dulcetly on the air. Oh, how the knife kept on twisting itself into his chest without a second thought. "I think the more embarrassing thing is how you keep catching me talk to myself after all these years" he said, slowly placing his hands inside his pockets. Even with the bracing warmth of a smile, he didn't dare turn around to the face that could melt a thousand hearts. James Diamond was the relentless Achilles of love, trampling over the helpless fools who dared risk their hearts in his path. He'd just been one of the special few allowed to see the other, more vulnerable side of this amorous warrior before being stabbed right through the heart. "How was your weekend?" he asked, turning his head back just enough to see the dark figure behind him shift uncomfortably. A moment of silence birthed itself through air, its frozen hurt stinging through the both of them without the least bit of remorse. "Reflective" replied the taller man softly, shifting his weight to the door beside him. "I had a lot of time to think."

"About?"

"The way life was a long time ago. Things were so much simpler back then." Carlos shook his head smilingly. "You make it sound like a fairytale."

"Well, it was, wasn't it?"

"I take it you only remember the easy bits then." James felt a heated blush burst across his cheeks. "I remember everything."

"Then you'll understand why we're both pretending that everything's fine here" murmured the Latino headily. His head took another grinning shake. "And why we're both acting like kindergartners."

"Speaking of kids, I think you might want to reschedule this meeting today." The lawyer instantly dropped his smile as he turned around to fully face his former lover, matching the taller man's vacant disposition with his own version of emptiness. The hollow brown irises nearly stilled his heart, but there would be time later to figure out whether or not this was all a carefully drawn ruse for sympathy to bloom. "Did something happen?"

"I don't know. I just saw the guy head out to the café around the corner with his wife and got a text to tell you that it probably wasn't a good idea for the two of you to meet today."

"They're getting back together?" asked the Latino, his curiosity more settled on the ever shifting body language of the executive rather than the marital issues of a potential client. He watched blankly as James shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, his face flitting between bleak and bleaker. At the end of the day, what did it matter that some faceless advertising hotshot chose to call off his divorce? The pain right in front of him was so real; it threatened to shake the very foundations he'd built his entire world upon. James might have dragged him into this unknowingly, but he had been the one to accept it. Whatever little hurts or temptations were in his way right now were his to own and deal with, not anyone else's – if he found the brief flickers of grief so magnetizing, he had only himself to blame.

"Well, it looks like I might not be needed here after all." James arched a quizzical brow at the lawyer's surprisingly cheerful burst, finally ceasing his movements to fold his arms as if expecting some confounded attack. "How come things are so much more honest between us over a phone call?" Carlos felt his body briefly defy the flow of time, stopping every drop of preciously crimson blood in his veins. "Because there's distance between us" he said slowly, never once taking his eyes off the taller man's bewitching visage. "And that reminds us that it's over. We're over." James nodded slightly, gradually turning his back away from the lawyer. "I'd ask if you'd want to catch up over a cup of coffee for old time's sake, but you'll say no."

"How very clever of you" said Carlos, feeling his heart thump histrionically in his chest. Whatever this effect was, it didn't exist in the normal scope of his world. It couldn't – back home, a loving wife and heavenly set of children waited for him, trusting him so blindly. But right here and now, where it was just the two of them, it reigned with an iron fist, making a slave of a poor lawyer who was once stupid enough to fall for a few tender moments killed into the past. "You know me too well."

"Like the back of my hand" laughed James quietly, slipping his fingers into his pockets. "I have no choice but to be clever. You stole my heart all those years ago and you still haven't given it back."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"We're not doing the right thing" said the brunette firmly, slowly circling a teaspoon inside her cappuccino as she looked over intently at her husband. Logan's current bout of despair had come as somewhat of a surprise to her – if anything, she had expected the dormant vaults of molten anger to unleash themselves, not this barren wasteland of emotion. His face, once so expressive at every word, now hid its secrets behind a milky slate of skin, an unpredictable sea just waiting for the right temptation to storm across to her. Naturally, she had steeled herself for this, but all she wanted was one opportunity to right the wrong she had done, one more chance to make their family work again. Staying together wasn't just for Leo's sake but their own too: were they simply to forget the years of zealous history they spent carving into each other? They were too marked for anyone else, too broken to be let loose onto the outside world. Maybe, just maybe, all they needed was space to see how much they'd have to bridge across to each other, to see just how much it hurt not to have someone there to hold them against the world outside. Exactly what she was afraid of if she lost the executive she didn't quite know yet, but the thought of him not laying next to her every night was nothing short of absolute murder to her.

"Can you tell me what the right thing is?" asked Logan quietly, turning his head to the side to take in the passing stream of cars. The heated Los Angeles breeze ruffled lightly through his hair, forcing his eyes to narrow against the light caress of air. "We've been trying to do the right thing ever since we got married Camille. Time's up now."

"You're-"

"Our problem is that we don't know what is wrong with us" interrupted the executive, his voice like silken velvet, twisted around poles of depression. "We would have fixed ourselves a long time ago if we did. No one knows what the right thing is here."

"So you're just giving up on us?"

"I gave up on us years ago. I only stopped fighting when you said you wanted a divorce." Camille shook her head resiliently, pushing her cappuccino away to the side. "I don't believe that. You wouldn't have wanted to give up without a fight if you didn't feel something."

"What I did, I did for Leo" said Logan curtly, strumming his fingers against the table. "Not for us."

"Then why not stay for his sake?"

"Because it's not enough. I'd rather have him split his time between you and I than have us all stuck together in one house screaming the other to death." Logan smiled briefly, dropping his gaze to the table. "See, you were right from the start. I didn't want to see it, but this really was for the best."

"How can you change so much just over a few days?" asked Camille, her tone taking a distinct turn into arctic territory. "You're seriously not willing to work this out?"  
"Why would I break my head over something that I can't fix?"

"Because it's all you have Logan." Camille quickly took in a blast of air before continuing, her voice concealed with barely-there venom. "You really think you can find someone else?"

"See, this is exactly what I'm talking about" said the executive, meeting his wife's stare with a victorious gleam in his eyes. "Sooner or later, one of us is going to end up six feet under."

"Logan-"

"Aren't you tired of it all? Don't you just want a day where you can come back home and not have to worry that there's someone there to bite your head off?" asked Logan earnestly. "After all we've been through; don't we deserve that much at least?"

"You sound like you've given this a lot of thought" said the brunette slowly, flicking a stray lock of hair out of her eyes. Logan let out a small chuckle. "I've just... started listening to someone very smart, that's all."

"Please Logan, I am begging you. Would you at least think about it?"

"I can't save this, and neither can you. It's time we both realized that."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

Midnight digits flashed across the executive's computer screen, bouncing across the black infinity with childlike abandon, their spectacular light show bouncing across the walls like hollow bits of happiness. The city on the other side of the thick glass panels had yet to fall asleep, its pulsating neon streaks twisting across as if they were heaven-sent serpents. "So this is what it comes down to" he mused quietly, cracking a grin as he pulled his phone towards him. "My life after divorce, nothing more than late nights at the office." His fingers flew quickly across the keypad, his heart pounding in synch with the electric punches of sound that filled his ears. His smirk grew as he pulled the receiver closer to his ear, feeling this quaint addiction seep through his skin. A simple phone call, a few exchanges of words was all it took to send him into running straight into the blonde's freeing delusion. It would only take a few decibels of Kendall's golden lilt, and everything around him would melt away into the glorious frenzy of lusty freshness. There was no going back from this, ever.

"_Kendall speaking_." Logan chuckled softly to himself. Short, to the point and without the wasteful pleasantries: just what he needed right now. "Will you still be good for me?"

"_Logan?_"

"You sound surprised" said the executive lightly, leaning back into the leather confidence of his chair. "You left this weekend in such a hurry."

"_Because you went all fucking mental on me_" said the blonde laughingly, forcing the brunette to close his eyes wistfully. He could imagine that errant curl of lips right now, that arrogant smirk right before they laid claim to his body, blossoms of kisses raining down on his skin. "Because I said I loved you?"

"_It was a big part of it. Look Logan, I don't think that you're dealing with this like you should._"

"I know, I'm a crazy-ass psycho for doing this, but after all these years for living for someone else, I finally get to breathe for myself. Is that wrong?"

"_It's wrong if you keep using that to run away from what you're really feeling_." Logan inhaled deeply, gripping at the receiver with eager fingers. "Am I wrong to want you?"

"_You're wrong to think that you want me buddy._"

"My wife met with me today. She wants to call off the divorce."

"_See? Things are looking up for you already_" said Kendall cheerfully, snapping Logan's eyes wide open. "Yeah, but I don't know if that's what I want to do."

"_Look, no one can tell you what to do here but yourself. Just go with what feels right to you, OK?_" Logan frowned bewilderedly at the sudden shuffling on the other end of the line, placing his back upright once more. "You still there?"

"_Yeah, it's just that I'm about to go to work soon if you know what I mean_." The brunette's blood turned to ice, freezing his entire body in a confused contortion. "Oh."

"_Take care of yourself pal. I really hope you find what you're looking for._"

"Kendall?" The blonde sniggered amusedly. "_Yes?_"

"I love you."

"_Goodbye Logan_."

**Who knows, maybe it's not too late for Logan and Camille to fix things. But I'm really pulling through for Kogan here, and of course poor Jarlos! Man, where is the love these days? What did you guys think? Drop a review and let me know! Till next time, T4L signing off – stay safe, don't do drugs and remember: no love without a glove ;)**


End file.
